Sunday, June 24, 2007;
♥ 1:24 AM
Felt like i'm dying all over again.
It has taken me one long year.1 long yr, not even to heal, but to wash the pain down to a dull, thudding hurt, that still can cause me sleepnesss nights, even till now. It has taken countless tears, and caring words from frens before i can even decide to move on.
And now the pain is anew. It was stupidity on my part, to even believe that we can still remain frens. I told myself and my frens that maybe all i wanted was to preserve that group dynamics, to at least " pretend", that everything was rosy and fine.
Liar. & Fool.
What i actually wished for, only i knew. What my heart still wanted. Its so because of this, the pain is anew. A simple careless act from you, and it seemed to have brought back all the pain from last year. How you've lied,the lame excuses, the curt language, the nonchalant yet searing words, that made me feel lower than the lowest of human.
Its all because of a selfish act on your part. I know, it may seem like no big deal, but the problem is, i may be
seem like i'm fine, i'm cool, but in actual fact, i'm not. The wound's still there, the pain still silently thudding. Beneath that fake smile and happy words that i give.
It took me one whole year to heal, and it took a careless, nonchalant, selfish act from you, to bring back all the pain.
I've thought it thru, and now i really see. I dun think its even possible to be frens. I really dun think, i can be hurt anymore.
I guess it was me wishing for a time machine.believing that time warp was possible.Almost believing that i could turn back time.Now i know.A time machine is just not possible.The damage is done, the hurt is forever.I no longer want a time machine.Maybe i just want to forget.Brave words.So why wont my tears stem?
Why do dreams even hurt?
-xoxo- wilted petals of wine-coloured roses -xoxo-
